Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
