drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
