it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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