When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize