just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
