You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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