It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
