Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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