Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
