Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I am midnight drunk by noon
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
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