my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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