Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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