Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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