I didn't shave. On purpose
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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