I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
