He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
