I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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