my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
