I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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