Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
