are you still at the devil's house?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
