clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
