Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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