too bad you live with your parents still
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
