i permit you to call me
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
