Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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