If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
