have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
