We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
