They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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