hell yes lets make some ravioli
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
