Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
