I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
