Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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