I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize