she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
