we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
