please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize