But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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