someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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