She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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