whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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