New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
It all started with a game of naked twister.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
