no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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