Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
