went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
