East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
