she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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