I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
