you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
