there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Randomize
