you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize