Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
