I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
