Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
My life is pants optional.
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