hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm gonna fight the coyote
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
