so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
