come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
