I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
