forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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