So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
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