Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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