you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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