The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
