took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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